Change - I'm not a big fan

We'll have been here a year in August....which seems impossible. We closed on our house a few weeks ago thus officially closing another chapter in our lives. We move in a couple weeks to a house and potentially add two new babies to the family in the same time frame. I remember saying after moving, then finding out we were preggers, and then finding out it was twins that I would like a couple of months with no big news. Just a 60 - 90 day period where there wasn't imminent change expected around the corner. I guess I got a little bit of that, maybe 30 days or so. And then I started realizing how things might change with Demani no longer being the only child and how I won't be able to give him the same time and attention that we both were used to. There have been many tears shed over that change. I keep telling myself that Demani loves kids and babies and one day he will thank me for his siblings. I am excited to see how the relationship between them all develops.

Getting involved in a church has helped with the transition from "new to the area" to "we know some people." Just this last weekend the church ladies blessed us with a baby shower for the twins and Demani got a few things too, including a shirt that says "Big Brother of twins." I had been scouring the tri-city area for a big brother shirt...and God provided the perfect one!!! It was a day of smiles and blessings.

Then yesterday at the end of church the pastor announced his resignation in order to take another position in the community. I think I cried all the way home. It took me a few miles to figure out my sadness and tears. I was crying because we really have enjoyed the pastor, his preaching, the way he leads the church and his heart for God and the community he lives in. I was crying because who knows who the new pastor will be and how the church might change? I was crying because now that we had begun to feel "settled" (sort of) here comes more change!!!!

It's almost infuriating. I have two friends I have made that don't know what the next few months bring for them...possible moves are in their future. I just don't think it is fair that as soon as we feel the aftershocks of change begin to fade and begin to feel somewhat steady on our feet that others begin experiencing change - which brings change our way once again. It seems we can't escape it.

Which is why it is necessary to understand the positive things about change....

• Change, um, changes you. It makes me a better person - it forces me to grow up in different areas.
• Change made me a wife and a mom. Never going back on those.
• Without different chapters in our story...it would be a pretty boring story...
• Change isn't up to me and that is probably a good thing...I might be the most boring person alive if that were the case.
• Change teaches me about who I am - how I'm stronger than I thought I was and it also reveals those things about myself that aren't so pretty.
• Change gives perspective.
  

There are people in the world whose lives have literally been rocked by earthquakes and cyclones. I will be okay.

My friend and fellow blogger (http://www.goldensmiles.blogspot.com/) just dealt with a scary time of tests and hospital stays for her little guy. I will be okay.

Our pastor is following God's will for his life. Amazing things await him and his family as well as the church. God has a plan for my life too, I will be okay.

And there are the things that never change. God. My husband comes home every day to me. My family loves me. I have friends that care about me and my family.

And so as I stand facing another sometimes insurmountable change - the arrival of two newborns needing constant care - I don't feel ready and the change is scary. Though I can't see down the road too far, I know that just like when Demani was born, soon I won't be able to imagine life without them. That's how change happens - it becomes part of our story. Soon there will be a chapter in my life titled: "Mother of 3 under 2." And all too soon I will mourn the turning of the page that ends that chapter in my life when Demani wants to play without me and the twins are walking around...

I doubt I will ever embrace change, but at least I am beginning to understand how it is used in my life and how often there are gifts and lessons that change brings with it, that without that change, we would miss out on entirely.

33 weeks

I am at the point in pregnancy that I cry when I get tired. Last night was an example of this. I was weary, as Mathwon described it, and I think that is the best term to describe what I felt. Even though I've been through this before it's still hard to imagine that there's a baby in there, let alone 2 babies!! A friend told me that her friend who had twins said it doesn't really hit you until you are holding two in your arms, and I believe that is the truth! I can't fathom their sweet little faces or imagine their quiet cries (hey I'm being positive here!), or imagine their big brother with them. It's all part of the miracle and the astounding surprise and overwhelming thankfulness that hits you when you set your eyes on them for the first time. Mathwon and I can plan and plan all we want and still nothing prepares you for that moment when you see your child for the first time. It's supposed to be that way. It's in that moment they capture your heart.

Mathwon and I were discussing the other night how much we've enjoyed 12 months and up with Demani because it's such a joy to see him learn and grow. Once again, there's just nothing like it and we both realized we are excited to get to experience this time all over again, twice over!

So, little ones, your family is as ready as they can be to welcome you into the world. We do hope you stay in your safe place until June. Please! We'd like a chance to get settled in our new place which offers us a bit more space for you and most importantly, it's better for you to stay where you are for a few more weeks! My prayers for a safe and healthy delivery are mounting and my confidence wavers occasionally as to how breastfeeding two works...my loving, strong husband reminded me again last night that I had some of these same concerns with Demani and we figured everything out. So these are the thoughts of a preggers mom, 33 weeks into carrying twins - these would be the sane and cohesive thoughts...I save the crazy stuff for my patient husband!

Enjoy the pics below!
1) What's more fun than mom's swimsuit top? 2) Ahhh, nothing better than watching the Cavs with dad and eating yogurt (Thanks Elijah for the jersey!). 3) Tell me, is there a better place to nap? 4) Mom's tickling me 5) I like to put balls under my shirt. 6) Just helping mom out - it was time to clean out her wallet
7) The 4 of us on Mother's Day.

Yeah, it's been awhile!

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted! Time flies! Demani and I were sick in April. I was out of commission for a whole weekend and Mathwon made me take it easy that weekend. It took a solid 2 1/2 weeks for me to get over it, I guess it was a chest cold. Demani had croup, poor little guy! He recovered much quicker than I, thankfully.

As you can imagine, we've been working to prepare for moving and babies on the way! Mathwon and I trust it will all come together - it has too! God has blessed us and we can see His hand upon us as we reflect on life these past few months.

Demani is doing great! I think he is picking up something new each day. He has favorite books and will bring one to you to read to him. He is a lovable little guy.
His vocabulary includes, but is not limited to:

• banana
• kitty
• mommy or mama
• daddy
• bubbles
• Amen
• choo-choo (for train)
• let's go
• eye
• ball
• cheese
• please (when prompted :)
• no
• knock-knock
• keys
  
• and more to come....

The twins are doing well too! Baby girl is approx. 3lbs 70z and baby boy is 4lbs 1oz. They are both head down and we are praying they stay that way! We are about 32 weeks along. My cravings are oreos and McDonald's sweet tea, but not at the same time! I am beginning to get anxious to meet the two little ones! Please keep us all in your prayers!!

And now for some pictures...

1) me and my sisters at surprise 30th b-day party 2) first time on the slide 3) my favorites for the day 3) john deere tractors are cool! 4) me at about 32 weeks with the twins 5) we purchased this for the babies and Demani has taken a liking to it... 6) snack time before bed with my milk and bear