Change - I'm not a big fan

We'll have been here a year in August....which seems impossible. We closed on our house a few weeks ago thus officially closing another chapter in our lives. We move in a couple weeks to a house and potentially add two new babies to the family in the same time frame. I remember saying after moving, then finding out we were preggers, and then finding out it was twins that I would like a couple of months with no big news. Just a 60 - 90 day period where there wasn't imminent change expected around the corner. I guess I got a little bit of that, maybe 30 days or so. And then I started realizing how things might change with Demani no longer being the only child and how I won't be able to give him the same time and attention that we both were used to. There have been many tears shed over that change. I keep telling myself that Demani loves kids and babies and one day he will thank me for his siblings. I am excited to see how the relationship between them all develops.

Getting involved in a church has helped with the transition from "new to the area" to "we know some people." Just this last weekend the church ladies blessed us with a baby shower for the twins and Demani got a few things too, including a shirt that says "Big Brother of twins." I had been scouring the tri-city area for a big brother shirt...and God provided the perfect one!!! It was a day of smiles and blessings.

Then yesterday at the end of church the pastor announced his resignation in order to take another position in the community. I think I cried all the way home. It took me a few miles to figure out my sadness and tears. I was crying because we really have enjoyed the pastor, his preaching, the way he leads the church and his heart for God and the community he lives in. I was crying because who knows who the new pastor will be and how the church might change? I was crying because now that we had begun to feel "settled" (sort of) here comes more change!!!!

It's almost infuriating. I have two friends I have made that don't know what the next few months bring for them...possible moves are in their future. I just don't think it is fair that as soon as we feel the aftershocks of change begin to fade and begin to feel somewhat steady on our feet that others begin experiencing change - which brings change our way once again. It seems we can't escape it.

Which is why it is necessary to understand the positive things about change....

• Change, um, changes you. It makes me a better person - it forces me to grow up in different areas.
• Change made me a wife and a mom. Never going back on those.
• Without different chapters in our story...it would be a pretty boring story...
• Change isn't up to me and that is probably a good thing...I might be the most boring person alive if that were the case.
• Change teaches me about who I am - how I'm stronger than I thought I was and it also reveals those things about myself that aren't so pretty.
• Change gives perspective.
  

There are people in the world whose lives have literally been rocked by earthquakes and cyclones. I will be okay.

My friend and fellow blogger (http://www.goldensmiles.blogspot.com/) just dealt with a scary time of tests and hospital stays for her little guy. I will be okay.

Our pastor is following God's will for his life. Amazing things await him and his family as well as the church. God has a plan for my life too, I will be okay.

And there are the things that never change. God. My husband comes home every day to me. My family loves me. I have friends that care about me and my family.

And so as I stand facing another sometimes insurmountable change - the arrival of two newborns needing constant care - I don't feel ready and the change is scary. Though I can't see down the road too far, I know that just like when Demani was born, soon I won't be able to imagine life without them. That's how change happens - it becomes part of our story. Soon there will be a chapter in my life titled: "Mother of 3 under 2." And all too soon I will mourn the turning of the page that ends that chapter in my life when Demani wants to play without me and the twins are walking around...

I doubt I will ever embrace change, but at least I am beginning to understand how it is used in my life and how often there are gifts and lessons that change brings with it, that without that change, we would miss out on entirely.