out of the mouths of babes moms
When I was reading through my BlogFrog community, I happened upon this thread. I do not remember the last time I laughed as hard as I did while reading through it, and I simply had to join the fun.
Sometimes I just have to wonder what on earth someone would think if they had a voice recording of the things that come out of my mouth each day.
I mean, what would you think? Here are some things I can remember myself saying recently:
Put that drill down this instant!
No, I won't get one when I grow up. I'm already grown up and I will never get a penis. No, she'll never grow a penis either.
Those are things that mommies need to use sometimes when they bleed. No, I'm not bleeding right now. No you can't touch the blood the next time I do bleed. Will you please leave the bathroom and close the door on your way out?
How do you think it made your sister feel when you punched her in the head just now?
And that is how a mommy and a daddy make a baby. I'm glad you think that sounds fun. No, you can't try it today. You'll have to wait until you are older and you are married. Sorry, but that doesn't matter, you still have to wait until you are much, much older. Yes, I know that I do like it when you have fun, but that is still not something that you can try right now.
Would you like it if I poured water all over your face? Then don't do it to him!
Because this is a public beach. Because it's not polite to be naked in public. I'm sorry but you still have to keep your swimming trunks on. Because this is a public beach. Public means swimming trunks are required. I'm sorry you're too cold with them on. Would you like to lay on the towel and warm up in the sun instead? Well, that is too bad, Sweetheart, but I simply can absolutely not allow you take your swimming trunks off. Please put your swimming trunks back on, I just told you not to take them off!!! Because this is a public beach. Thank you. Now go swim and keep them on this time.
Please hold the frog gently.
I think the bank teller is busy right now, Sweetheart. I know you want to share that with her, but right now she is too busy to guess how to spell your name.
Why is there urine in this?
Quit ringing the blasted doorbell, I told you you need to stay outside!
Because I don't want bm to get smeared on the couch, that's why.
Please find a time when you are alone to scratch your penis. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but you still need to do that when you are not around other people.
Does this wall look like a chalkboard to you?
It's hair. Because that is how God makes adults. Yes, when you grow up you will, too.
It's not your fault, it's your germs' fault? Well that's a new one. Fine, then, ask your germs to come over here so I can give them a consequence.
Because you might fall out that's why.
Because not everyone in the Community Center wants to hear about that.
It is very spicy so I don't think you should. If you want to you can, but it will probably burn your mouth. Okay then. Then I suppose you should go get some milk. No, you can do it by yourself. No, I am pretty sure you won't die, but maybe next time you'll believe me when I tell you something is spicy!
What is my makeup doing here?
Where on earth did your pants and underwear go?
Do your ears work?
Because it's not healthy to eat McDonald's food everyday. I know we did. I know we do. Well, it's still not really healthy. Yes, the next time we go you can get some Chicken McNuggets. I don't know. Maybe in a week. You won't starve by then. Because I will give you other things to eat in the meantime!
That's too bad that your legs are broken, but you still need to go to sleep.
Please don't put your hand down my shirt like that.
Put that knife down very slowly and don't ever, ever touch it again.
Because you are too old to drink breastmilk now. I don't know. It doesn't matter, I don't want to. I don't think he does, either. No thanks. Please stop pulling at my shirt like that. That's right, breastmilk is just for him. No, you won't "become a baby" again. Nope, pretty sure you won't. Because we only get bigger and older, not smaller and younger. Okay, then, yes. If you do become a baby again then I will let you drink my breastmilk, okay? No, you're not. Sorry. Well, if you are a baby then let me put a diaper on you and set you in your crib. That's what I thought. Well if you're thirsty you can just have a glass of water!
That is just an excuse. Because there is really no such thing as eating too many vegetables that you get a vegetable ache.
Please do not eat acorns. Because they are not food! Okay, because they are not food for humans. I know he did, but that still doesn't make it okay for you.
You may never try to sneak out of the house during room time. Because I don't want to lose you! I don't care if you bring your map or not, you may not leave without asking me.
I'm sorry to hear that; I hope your nostril feels better soon. No, I will not call the ambulance. Because a nostril ache is not a real illness. Yes, when you are older you can call an ambulance if you want. Not for a long, long time.
Because it isn't polite to answer the door with no clothes on, that's why.
Good heavens don't stick that up your nostril! Well then take it out now! Because I don't want it to get stuck and because it scares me. I know that Jesus is always with me, even when I'm scared, but you still can't stick things up your nostril.
Because I wouldn't be able to swim in the deep water while holding all four of you. No, Small Fry cannot just "take care of Stellan" on the side of the pool. Nope, because it's not the lifeguard's job either. Well then we'll just stay here in the shallow end.
That hammer is not a toy!!
What about you? What crazy things have you heard coming out of your own mouth?
2 comments:
So funny that you put this on here! I just put a link to this SAME post on my blog the other night. Hilarious! Did you read any of the stories in her "community" thing? Those were funny as well! We all need a good laugh every now & then...in reading her blog it helps me to remember I'm not alone.
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